Your Brain & Adam’s Shame
“When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves. Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man, ‘Where are you?’ He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.’”
Shame is more than the loss of face or embarrassment. Shame is the inner sense of being completely diminished as a person. Shame is the self—judging of self. A moment of shame may be humiliation so painful or an indignity so profound that one feels one has been robbed of his or her dignity or exposed as basically inadequate, bad, or worthy of rejection. A pervasive sense of shame is the ongoing premise that one is fundamentally bad, inadequate, defective, unworthy, or not fully valid as a human being.
Underline the words which personally resonate with you. You will be using the underlined words later.
THE POWER OF SHAM
There are clusters of cell firing patterns in our brain that affect our belief, feelings and behavior regarding our life. They distort our perceptions and create perspectives of ourselves, God and others. Like a thermostat in the room, these states turn on without us being aware of their influence so it is with shame, we protect ourselves from being known.
Subterranean shame drives us to succeed and prove to ourselves that we are worthy and valuable. It can motivate us to avoid being close. A felt sense of failure can trigger the sense of being damaged goods. We then will react, keeping distant from the ones nearest us.
As with Adam, fear-driven by shame causes us to cover ourselves. We hide from the most meaningful relationships in our life because we are fearful of being exposed. We sew fig leaves covering our humiliation with leaves of busyness, success or achievement.
The power of shame comes from keeping secrets. When God called Adam to come from behind the tree, He was identifying the power of secrecy which goaded Adam there.
HOW GOD FINDS OUT
Earlier in Psalm 139, David extols God for His precious thoughts. It is in this trust he prays:
Investigate my life, O God, find out everything about me; Cross-examine and test me, get a clear picture of what I’m about; See for yourself whether I’ve done anything wrong— then guide me on the road to eternal life. (PS.139:23-24 MSG)
It is in these situations our heavenly Father is searching and examining our responses, not to reprimand but to release us from the lies we believe.
UNCOVERING SHAME
Using the underlined words in the previous definition of shame in what situation or relationships are you most aware of those feelings? Be free to stand back and note the situation. Don’t overanalyze, just be present. What do you notice? Don’t try to fix.
What is the specific negative thought you believe about yourself. The negative thought or negative cognition is important to identify.
Is that thought 100% true? Yes or no.
What do I feel like and act like when I believe that negative thought?
What would I feel like and act like if I did not believe that negative thought?
What is the direct opposite of the negative thought?
Which is most true?
Now, what does the Lord think of you?
CONVICTION VS. SHAME
In 1999, I became ill with a lung infection which affected my practice and of course our income. In August of that year, a church sent me a check for $ 1,000.00 without any explanation. Rather than a reaction of gratitude, I felt profound shame. I was more than embarrassed and a sense of overwhelming inadequacy plunged me into despair.
As I calmed down, I wrote an appropriate letter of gratitude.
Later, I began to think about the experience. I allowed shame to pervert the blessing.
Shame distorts authentic humility, creating condemnation rather than Holy Spirit conviction.
Conviction reveals our sin in order to correct without humiliation. Conviction brings freedom as we confess. Conviction deals with a specific offense without attacking our entire personality. It frees us to move on without being stuck. It opens us to be closer to God and each other rather than withdrawing from God and others.
I used the process of dealing with my shame thinking:
Is that thought 100% true? Yes or no.
It is not 100% true that I am worthless and don’t deserve this money.
What do I feel like and act like when I believe that negative thought?
I feel empty and withdraw emotionally from others.
What would I feel like and act like if I did not believe that negative thought?
I would feel grateful and loved
What is the direct opposite of the negative thought?
I am a child of God which makes me worthwhile.